


Kooks

by RetroDisaster



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:21:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26233333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RetroDisaster/pseuds/RetroDisaster
Summary: This is (hopefully, provided I stay motivated) going to be quite a long fic, from Remus' perspective. Relatively canon complaint apart from I have chosen to make Remus an orphan, with his parents having both died during Greyback's attack when Remus was five, so he had been living with his muggle grandmother in the north of England. Will probably throw in a few OC's as well. This is a wolfstar fic, it'll just be a reeeally slow burn so be patient ha. This work is heavily inspired by the fic "All The Young Dudes" by MsKingBean98, so I'd recommend checking out that amazing fic first. I've tried not to copy too much, but the influence is pretty clear (as you can probably tell be the titles hehe)
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 7





	1. An old friend

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [All the Young Dudes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10057010) by [MsKingBean89](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsKingBean89/pseuds/MsKingBean89). 



> Just a disclaimer that I don't at all support J.K Rowling and her disgusting ideas and opinions.

12th February, 1971.

“Are you awake, Remus, love?”

Remus groaned. He could just about make out the time through his eyes; blurred by sleep. 

6 o’clock.  
Bloody hell. She’d always wake him up early, mind- she said it was good to make the most of the day, and besides, he couldn’t be late for school. Remus hardly thought he needed two and a half hours to get ready. What was it about old folk and waking up at dawns crack? He wondered. Still, best not to argue with her. He’d been living with his nana since he was five- since both his parents died in the attack, and Remus had been bitten. It was his mum’s mum- so she was a muggle, but to be fair, Remus might as well have been a muggle as well. He thought, if he tried hard enough, he could just about dredge up a memory of his dad flicking his wand at something, but the memories were hazy. He only knew slightly more than his nana, which clearly wasn’t a lot given she hadn’t a clue that magic and wizards existed at all. The only reason Remus knew as much as he did was because he was taken onto the Hogwarts grounds once a month for his transformation. 

Hogwarts.

The word felt sweet and warm in his mind; reassuring. He’d only caught glimpses of the castle as he was guided into the godforsaken shack each month. Madam Pomfrey, the witch that looked after him during his transformations liked to remind him that he’d be attending soon, in September.  
“Are you excited dear?” She had asked him in the early hours of yesterday morning. “You’ll be here full time; no need to keep apparating to and fro since I know how much you hate it. And no more sneaking around your granny, eh? You’ll be able to come straight into the hospital wing at the castle.”  
Remus didn’t recall saying much. He was always out of it the morning after a full moon, full of pain, his head still foggy as the last of his primal wolf brain slipped away. It took an hour or so to recall what Pomfrey had actually been nattering on about as she went about healing his cuts and injuries.

Yeah, course he was excited to go- leave behind the boring old estate his nana lived on, leave behind all the rough kids at his primary school. And learn magic- I mean real bloody magic, he’d finally be able to embrace the wizarding world instead of it just feeling like a fantasy; merely a secret for him to keep. Still, there was still a large part of him that felt he wouldn’t belong there. I mean yeah, now he may have been a wizard among muggles, but even when he got to Hogwarts (if he even did get there, he was half expected to be told that it was all a mistake and he was to go to the local secondary modern instead) he still had secrets to keep. He’d be a werewolf among wizards. He didn’t really know much about other people like him, but from what he could gather, there weren’t a lot of them, and they were largely disliked, even feared amongst wizards. The fact that Remus, 4’10” and incredibly scrawny could strike fear into grown men’s hearts was almost funny to him, if he wasn’t so worried about all the prejudice he may come to face in life. 

“Remus Lupin!”

Her voice was sterner this time. She was neither kind, nor unkind, as a person. Remus hated this, at least if she were one or the other, she’d be easier to read. But Remus had to be grateful- his living situation wasn’t awful. She gave him food and clothes, albeit rubbish clothes that the other kids on the estate mocked him for. She gave him a roof over his head, made sure he got his homework done and got to bed on time. She wasn’t a particularly caring or maternal figure, and Remus sometimes wondered if, in some way, she blamed him for her daughter’s death, but she wasn’t completely cold. Still, she wasn’t averse to discipline, and although it was usually just a few sternly spoken words, she’d on several occasions, clouted him about the ear. Despite the fact that he of all people was certainly no stranger to pain, he felt it easiest just to do as he was told.

“I’m up, nana!” He called through his closed door.  
“Porridge is on the table, don’t let it go cold”.

Remus sighed, dragging himself out of bed. He didn’t much like school. He was rubbish at it. He couldn’t do maths, certainly couldn’t spell. He quite liked writing, though, writing stories, and reading them too. But once the teacher started noticing and praising him for his efforts, some of the boys started calling him a few names, which he didn’t really mind, until one of them called him a poof, and he’d seen older kids beat people up for being poofs, so after that he started to dumb himself down, stop trying so hard. This didn’t please his nana at all, or his teacher, but at least he wasn’t being targeted by the other kids anymore.   
He’d altered his accent, too. Despite growing up in Halifax since he was 5 years old, he hadn’t seemed to pick up much of a northern twang at all. He sounded bloody posh, if anything which didn’t help matters. Neither of his parents had had much of an accent, and his Nana, despite her slight Northern lilt, was incredibly concerned with being well-spoken, enunciating all her letters clearly and correctly. At first, he’d tried to go more northern, but that didn’t go down well, with most of the boys assuming he was trying to mock their accents, so after that he’d decided to go down the cockney route. He’d heard it around enough, and found it quite easy to slip into. He told the boys at school that he had family in London, proper Londoners. At one point he claimed his uncle was a smackhead who lived in a squat in Mile End, and he had no idea why. Still, they stopped with all the name calling, so he was satisfied.

Sleepily, Remus pulled on his school uniform, an awful grey affair, but he liked the security of it. It meant they all looked the same, and Remus wouldn’t be picked on for his terrible clothes. He walked to school most days, sometimes a couple of the boys from the estate would walk with him, but mostly he walked alone. He quite liked the solitude, though. What he didn’t like, was the town. He felt bad for it, not just it’s residents who were stuck living here, but the town itself. It felt neglected, all the towns around here did. He wanted to get out as soon as he could- London, maybe, or Newcastle. A proper exciting city; that’s where all the action was, the music, the culture. Although he supposed he wouldn’t really have to worry about that whilst he was living at Hogwarts.

Most school days went the same, assembly in the morning, always the same rubbish, some dusty old stuff about Jesus. Lessons weren’t much better. If it was maths, he’s stopped even trying to attempt it, swinging on the back if his chair so he could see out the window at the other end of the classroom, and thinking about other stuff. If ever they did any sort of creative writing, Remus would show similar levels of enthusiasm outwardly, claiming he couldn’t do it, or couldn’t be bothered or that writing was for tossers, to gain a few approving sniggers from some of the boys. But inside he was constructing a whole story in his head, that he’d continue on the walk home from school, and as he was trying to fall asleep. His absolute least favourite lesson was P.E, always cross country or football. It wasn’t that Remus minding playing- he didn’t really like it; he was small and scrawny nobody wanted him on their team, and they were always shouting at him, complaining, but it was tolerable. No, what he hated was getting changed. There was no way to stop the boys from seeing his scars, and although he begged Madam Pomfrey every time to do a spell that would cover them up, she always smiled sadly and said there was nothing she could do. He’d considered telling people that they were from fights he’d been in, but he didn’t think anyone would buy it, given his stature. Better if he just let people point and laugh and make their own judgements of how they got there.  
That had just about been the rhythm of his life for the past 5 or so years. Going to school, coming home to his nana, sometimes going out to play with the other kids on the estate, with Remus trying to act tough with them, and the shack at Hogwarts on full moons. That was, until 10th March, 1971; his 11th birthday.

10th March, 1971.  
Remus was tired as he ambled home from school. The full moon was in two days, and it was incredibly draining- the anticipation, the build-up as his body and mind slowly prepared for the transformation. He was always lethargic leading up to the full moon, but oddly restless, too. He arrived home just wanting to lie down, he couldn’t be bothered with homework or his nana or any of it. It had been his birthday today, which had meant copious birthday beats at school, which didn’t help his fatigued body. Remus, however, didn’t get the chance to lie down once he got home, because sitting at his kitchen table, talking to his nana, was an elderly man with a spectacular silver beard, dressed in even more spectacular purple robes. Remus knew who it was in an instant.

Dumbledore.

Remus had only met him once before, at five years old, after his parent’s funeral. All the memories from around that time were fuzzy, but Dumbledore had stuck out clearly in his mind since the day he’d met him, and of course the memory was most likely reinforced with Pomfrey’s stories about him.   
On entering, the old man rose from his seat.  
“Ah, Mr Lupin, many happy returns for the day. I was just having a pleasant discussion with your grandmother here”.  
Remus smirked internally at this. He wasn’t sure if it was possible for anybody to have a pleasant discussion with his nana.  
“I don’t suppose you’d care to join me for a walk, Mr Lupin?” 

* * *

People from the estate were giving him incredibly strange looks as he walked alongside the eccentric wizard, but Remus didn’t really care.  
“What a delightful town. You know, I’ve always loved the North of England” Dumbledore mused absently.  
Remus snorted out loud.

This place is totally crap, I mean, just look around! It’s where dreams come to die!”  
Dumbledore simply smiled.  
“It is wise, Mr Lupin, not to judge a place by its outward appearance. I’m sure there is far more to a town like this, than first meets the eye.” Was his cryptic response. Remus simply shrugged. “I am here, as I am sure you are aware, Mr Lupin” Dumbledore continued, “to discuss your upcoming placement at Hogwarts this September. 

“What am I s’posed to tell my nana, though, she’s not spose’d to know about, y’know, magic and stuff” Remus found himself slipping into the strange cockney lilt he’d crafted for himself. He realised he’d started doing it in front of new people. In front of any person, in fact, but his nana herself, since she reprimanded him for dropping his H’s and T’s.  
“As far as your grandmother is aware, you are going away to a private boarding school, paid for by the money left to you by your parents”. Dumbledore looked down at the boy, and there was a twinkle in his eye, something almost mischievous, which caused a sudden fizz of excitement deep within Remus’ stomach. 

“You will continue with your current arrangement with Poppy, Madam Pompfrey regarding your transitions, and I’m sure you are already aware, but it is highly important for your own safety, that you are not to tell anybody at Hogwarts about your condition. It perhaps seems unfair that this must be kept a secret, but you must understand that it is for the greater good. Is that clear, Mr Lupin?”  
Remus nodded. Dumbledore had adopted a more serious tone, and the twinkle in his eye vanished momentarily, but before long, his light-hearted demeanour returns.   
“Alas, the money left to you by your parents will not be accessible to you until you come of age, but rest assured you will be provided with all the equipment that you will require.” He stopped, peering at Remus over his half-moon spectacles. “I hope you don’t mind second hand books, Mr Lupin”  
Remus wasn’t entirely sure he enjoyed being called ‘Mr Lupin’. It made him feel too old all of a sudden. But he felt funny asking this seemingly omniscient man to call him by his first name, so he held his tongue. 

“You will need this” Dumbledore said, handing the boy a ticket- a train ticket. “All your belongings will be waiting for you at the station, on the 1st of September. I look forward to seeing you again, Mr Lupin.”  
They had reached a dead end.   
“I trust you are old enough to walk yourself home?” Dumbledore asked warmly, to which Remus responded with a small nod. “Very well. Goodbye, and good luck” were his final words before he suddenly disappeared with a quiet crack. Remus stood still a moment, feeling Dumbledore's potent magic in the air around him, slowly beginning to dissipate now, but still enough to course through Remus’ veins and fill his body with heady excitement. 

He grinned.


	2. Ticket to Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> September finally rolls around and it's time for Remus to board the Hogwarts Express for the first time. We encounter a few familiar faces in this chapter.

1st September 1971

September had arrived all at once and much too fast, yet somehow the months had managed to drag by, like a bird, who having hopped around on a faraway rooftop for ages had suddenly appeared on his windowsill. 

The last few months of primary school were somewhat bearable, at least, with Remus being spurred on by the thought of leaving it behind once and for all. Everyone was gearing up to take their 11-plus. Remus would have to take it too, he supposed, although there wasn’t much point. In fact, during the actual exam, Remus opted for drawing rather crude illustrations on his exam paper. Barry Fletcher, a yobbish sort of kid with a shaved head leaned over and grinned at him. Remus sighed to himself. The kids weren’t all bad here, most of them were alright, really. They deserved a better chance, was all. Remus had overheard a group of people on the radio describe the education system as ‘classist’. He wasn’t exactly sure what that had meant, but he was pretty sure they were saying it was unfair, which Remus completely agreed with. He knew that half of these boys would end up at the local Secondary Modern, forced to learn to become a bricklayer of something like that. He often wondered where a lot of these kids would end up if they were just given a bit more variety, more encouragement. He knew that he was incredibly lucky to be given an opportunity like Hogwarts- to get away from it all. He offered a smile back at Barry. 

Once they’d left the classroom Barry caught up with Remus   
“That was bloody hilarious, Lupin, you really just didn’t give one! Guess I’ll be seeing you up the road in September, bottled mine as well like”.  
Remus almost winced internally. He liked Barry. Maybe ‘like’ was pushing it, but as far as they go, he wasn’t a bad guy. He wished he could show some solidarity- both from working class backgrounds.   
“Yeah, maybe. Only I might be off to this school my dad wanted me to go to. S’full of toffs.”   
The grin on Barry’s face faltered. “Oh, right”. He thought for a moment. “That’s a drag. Fancy a kick-about after this?”

Remus hated football, but he could hardly say no now. It wasn’t too bad after all, anyway. He got chatting to some of the lads- they were surprisingly funny, and he almost felt sorry to be leaving them. 

Still, the day inevitably came. His Nana bundled Remus on a train to King’s Cross, with a battered suitcase full of the lumpy jumpers she’d knitted him, and an equally lumpy corned beef sandwich. He watched his Nana wave him off as the train pulled away, and suddenly felt an overwhelming wave of affection for the little woman. He thought he might cry, but he didn’t. Instead he sat back and watched out the window as the blur of grey turned into green.

He ran into his first issue once the train arrived at King’s Cross. He’d been worrying about this since Dumbledore had first handed him that train ticket, but assumed that everything would become clear, as it often seems to do, with magic. But alas, it didn’t.  
‘Platform 9 and ¾?’ He thought to himself. God these wizards weren’t half pretentious. He stood still, staring at Platform 9, and then Platform 10, and wondering if it was all a cruel joke, and he wouldn’t be going after all. 

“Are you for Hogwarts?” A voice sounded out of nowhere. It was a girl’s voice, soft, but it still made Remus jump out of his skin. He turned to see a red-haired girl smiling at him. She had a pleasant face, delicate and pale, embroidered with freckles, and startlingly green eyes. He nodded at her.  
“Confusing, isn’t it?” She continued. “Don’t worry, I was completely lost too, when I got my ticket, but my friend Sev, um, Severus told me that you just have to run between the barriers between the platforms. Sounds a bit scary doesn’t it? I can go first, if you want. I’m Lily Evans, by the way”.   
God, did this girl ever stop nattering? Still, she seemed nice enough, probably just nervous. 

“Thanks. I’m Remus Lupin”. 

Unlike Lily, when Remus was nervous, he became even more quiet and reserved than he usually was. He hated telling people his name, as well. All the kids back at home thought it was hilarious, obviously. Lily didn’t seem to bat an eyelid, though. He supposed his name didn’t sound so weird in the wizarding world, especially since their headteacher was called Albus Dumbledore.

The girl beamed at him again before running at the barriers full pelt, with her trunk, and disappearing through the brick. Remus followed, reluctantly, surprised that the wall let him through at all. He still felt hugely out of place. No sooner had he arrived on the platform when a trunk appeared in front of him. There was a note from Dumbledore stuck to the top.

“Welcome to Hogwarts, Mr Lupin.  
As promised, all the equipment you should require can be found within this trunk. We at Hogwarts look forward to inviting you into the school.   
Safe journey,  
Albus Dumbledore.”

Out of curiosity, Remus opened the trunk and peered inside. He noticed, atop a pile of robes, books, quills and a rather large cauldron, two packages that caught his eye. One was a long, black box, and the other, a brown paper bag. He looked inside the box, first, and his heart could have stopped. Inside, was something he hadn’t seen in years. Something he had forgotten the image of altogether, but as he lay eyes on it once again, vibrant memories began to flash in front of his eyes. 

His father’s wand. 

Hurriedly, he put it back. The sight of it had caused his hands to shake, rather embarrassingly. He reached for the other package, the bag. It was full of yellow ovals wrapped in plastic.   
Sherbet Lemons. Cracking.

He’d spent so much time with his head in his trunk that he hadn’t even taken the time notice the train itself. The Hogwarts Express. Madam Pomfrey talked about it a lot, telling Remus that he’d love it. He did.

There was never a more magnificent locomotive, a proper old-fashioned steam train, like one of the ones his grandad used to work on before he died. It was dominant, sitting proudly on the tracks. It was almost as though you could feel its restlessness, it’s desire to spring into motion and begin its journey. Remus hurried onto the train, he wanted to find a good seat- an empty carriage so he wouldn’t have to insert himself into a group of people. Luckily the train was enormous, so he quickly found a place to sit, shoving his trunk and suitcase into an empty space. He looked out onto the platform. It was certainly a sight to behold, friends reuniting, people clutching cats in their arms, chasing after toads, hugging their parent’s goodbye. Remus saw the Evans girl embracing her parents tearfully, and attempting to hug a slightly older brunette girl, who stepped out of her reach, arms folded.

In a few minutes time, Lily appeared at the door of his compartment, with a sour faced boy in tow, with straggly shoulder length hair. She knocked on the glass and slid the door open.   
“Hiya Remus! Thought you might want some company on the train.” She dragged the boy forward, and he looked at Remus through narrowed eyes. Lily seemed oblivious to this hostility, and continued to chat away.

“This is Sev, who I was telling you about earlier, do you mind if we come and sit with you?”. Finally, the other boy spoke.  
“My name is Severus, Lily. Severus Snape.” He said irritably. “And I don’t know about him”. He shot another glare at Remus. “But I certainly do mind sitting here. I know plenty of respectable individuals who I’d rather sit with, and who would gladly welcome me. Let’s go, Lily”  
“Sev! Why are you being like this now, come on!” Remus could hear Lily say to him as she followed him down the train.

Remus didn’t care, he was glad he didn’t have to sit with that vile boy, he had no idea why Lily seemed to be such good friends with him, she was so much nicer. A bit annoying, but nice nonetheless. He was glad to have the carriage to himself, he liked being alone. But alas, there was soon to be another knock on the door within minutes. This time it was a boy with incredible dark curly spilling all over the place, and square glasses. He didn’t even ask to come in, just plopped himself on the seat opposite Remus. The boy had a certain cockiness about him. Cracking grin, though.

“Hi, I’m James, James Potter. Don’t suppose you mind if I sit here?”

Remus did mind quite a bit- he was enjoying the quiet. Still, he’d have to start making friends at some point, so he thought he should at least be a bit hospitable.  
“Remus Lupin. And nah, I don’t mind, you’re alright mate.”   
The boy smiled and kicked his legs up onto the table. God this kid just oozed self-assuredness.

Another knock at the door.   
“Christ” thought Remus.  
This time it was a short boy with chubby cheeks and sandy blonde hair. His cheeks were pinkened from the chilly September air.   
“Hullo, d’you mind if I sit here, don’t really know where else to go” He said in quite a jovial tone, although Remus could detect a certain tremor of nervousness in his voice. James hadn’t noticed. Course he hadn’t, that boy never looked like he’d been nervous a day in his life.  
“I’m Peter Pettigrew, by the way”. Remus offered him a smile and his name, and then removed himself from any more socialisation. He opted instead to look out the window at the last of the stragglers on the platform, whilst James chatted away at Peter. Remus was thankful for that; he was rubbish at making conversation. 

When another knock came at the compartment door Remus could’ve rolled his eyes. How many more people were going to come and join the party. There went his hopes for a quiet journey of contemplation. It was another boy, piercing blue eyes and hair down to his shoulders like Snape’s, only not like Snape’s at all, it was glossy and healthy and didn’t make Remus feel ill. In fact, it was slightly mesmerising. The boy held himself in the same self-assured manner as James, relaxed, shoulders back, but excellent posture. The two were both clearly upper class- there was just something about them, the traces of aristocracy clear in their mannerisms.   
“Sirius Black” The boy spoke, introducing himself. “And before you say anything, I promise I’m not like the rest of my bloody family”.  
Remus had no idea what he was on about, but James and Peter clearly did, since they’d both raised their eyebrows when he’d said his name. James was first to introduce himself.

“Hi, James Potter”  
This seemed to please Sirius. He smiled, similar cracking smile to James’, but more subtle.  
“Excellent, my folks hate you lot, I think we’re gonna make great friends.”  
“I’m Peter Pettigrew” The other boy piped up. Remus felt a bit sorry for the kid. He’d grown to become quite good at reading people over the years, and he could tell Peter’s sort from a mile away. Slightly uncool, and desperate to be in with the cool crowd, and as far as Remus could tell, James and Sirius seemed to be perfectly adequate candidates for this- oozing with aristocratic grace and demeanour, but had a cool and cocky edge- something rebellious.   
Finally, it was Remus’ turn to introduce himself. He looked up lazily at the boy. Remus thought he was a bit full of himself, presumptuous, and decided to take him down a level.   
“I’m Remus Lupin, and quite frankly I have no idea who you or your family are.”  
Sirius didn’t seem at all offended by this response but cracked a huge grin.   
“Oh excellent, I think we’re going to make great friends”. He sat himself down next to Remus.

Sirius and James bonded immediately, and talked the whole way, with Peter trying his best to weasel his way into their banter. Remus sat back and began to plough his way through his schoolbooks. He was well aware that he was miles behind the other kids, having not been able to do any summer reading. He overheard James and Sirius discussing their texts, how they were books that they had read age nine, and this made him more stressed. It didn’t help that he had completely detached himself from a proper learning mindset during his time at primary school, and he found it difficult to focus on what he was reading, difficult to grasp and retain the information. 

His bubble of panic was burst when Sirius asked Remus a question, dragging him into their conversation.  
“So, what house do you think you’ll be sorted into?”  
Remus looked at him blankly. He’d heard Madam Pomfrey on occasion mention the house system at Hogwarts, but he didn’t really know much about it.  
“I dunno, I don’t know much about it to be honest”

Remus grimaced at himself internally. His accent, that would have to be something he needed to sort out too. He knew it should be easy, given that it wasn’t even his real accent, but he’d grown so used to putting it on, especially around kids his age, that it was hard to stop. So far everyone he’d met so far had been incredibly well spoken, proper posh sounding, he thought, not like the kids from back home, and he felt suddenly ashamed- he probably looked completely common and yobbish.  
None of them seemed to care about his accent, though, nor his lack of understanding of the house system.

“I suppose I’ll be in Slytherin” Sirius continued, sighing. “For 500 years, Blacks have been sorted into Slytherin, but Christ, I don’t want my cousins breathing down my neck every second. I’d like to be sorted into Gryffindor, now that would really piss off my parents, although god knows what they’d do to me if I did”.

Remus was amused by Sirius, and slightly annoyed, too. The posh boy trying to appear cool and common and down to earth, rejecting his family and throwing about crude language which sounded ridiculous in his received pronunciation. Whoever his family were, Remus was sure they couldn’t be that bad. Sirius was probably just rejecting them in order to make him look cooler- distancing himself from the aristocracy. Remus supposed it was easy to try and act more common simply for the aesthetics, when you don’t have to worry about all the financial struggles that go with it, when you’re rich, so you still get taken seriously no matter what. Sirius wouldn’t last five minutes in a working-class atmosphere, no matter how cool he might think it would make him.

“I hope you do get put in Gryffindor” James replied. “Then you’ll be with me, Potters are always in Gryffindor, because it’s obviously the best house!” He grinned. 

Then the other three boys started chatting away again, and Remus was left to read in peace. He found them all a bit grating, none of them had any experiences remotely similar to Remus’ that they could relate to. Still, he supposed there were worse people to be sitting with; that grimy Severus bloke, for example. Besides, there was plenty of time to make new friends, when he got there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try and keep as consistent as poss with these chapter uploads. Please don't hold back in leaving feedback and constructive criticism and the likes, anything to make reading this a more enjoyable experience :)


	3. Knackered old hat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An exciting moment- the arrival at Hogwarts and the sorting ceremony. A little more insight into Remus' perception of the other marauders in this chapter.

1st September 1971 (cont.)

Remus had to be woken by Sirius when the train pulled into Hogsmeade station. He was the last to leave the carriage, too, groggily stumbling out behind the rest of the boys, who, on the contrary, were completely hyper, talking just slightly too loudly, in the way that young boys do, when excited. The full moon was coming up on the 5th, and Remus could already feel its effects, making his head fuzzy, he was drowsy and slightly spaced out, and perhaps this was what made the entrance into Hogwarts less overwhelming. He piled into a boat with Peter, which wobbled slightly too precariously for his liking, and though Remus hardly believed him when Peter informed him that a giant squid lived in the lake, it did make the remainder of the journey across the inky black water much more adrenaline inducing.

Not wanting to draw attention to himself, Remus tried to keep his head down and not talk too much as they were guided into the castle by a particularly stern woman, who introduced herself as Professor McGonagall, head of Gryffindor house, only his robes were too long, and his legs were still unsteady from the boat journey, and he found himself tripping more than once as he shuffled along.

But god, what a feeling. As Remus stepped into the castle, he was flooded with an indescribable sensation, it felt like golden light, and warmth and belonging and excitement and magic, real, raw magic which filled the room with it’s peculiar energy, and caused that same fizz deep within Remus that he had felt when standing next to Dumbledore, but far stronger this time. He was here. He had been looking up at this castle for so many years as he was guided beyond that terrifying willow, into his dismal shack, waiting for the day he could step within the doors of the castle. But back then that day had seemed so distant, fictitious, almost. But he was here, and he had never felt quite so present and grounded in all his life, despite how light-headed and tired he was.

As the sorting ceremony went on, the feeling died down, became less overwhelming, more familiar, but he was still exhilarated. Remus was amused to find that the sorting process involved wearing a knackered brown hat that looked like it smelled like musty old man head, and nearly snickered audibly when the hat abruptly shouted out a house. He looked around at the four tables, adorned in their house colours. Remus couldn’t understand James and Sirius’ disgust at the Slytherin house. The students at the table looked impossibly cool, dark and brooding and edgy. Remus noticed one girl, an older student with wild dark curls look at Sirius and grin maniacally at him, before laughing to another girl with straight, dark hair. Sirius looked away. Ravenclaw looked okay. He thought, perhaps, if he hadn’t been so proud at school, he might’ve been clever enough to be in Ravenclaw, but there was no way now, he was far too stupid. Hufflepuff, Remus thought, was completely boring, and thought they’d been a bit hard done by getting a badger as their mascot. Then there was Gryffindor, the house that the other boys seemed to idolise. Remus thought that if everyone in Gryffindor were like the boys from the train then he’d hate to be in it- full of stuck up tossers. So maybe Slytherin was his best bet.

Remus’ ears pricked up as he heard Sirius Black’s name called. He looked suddenly a lot smaller and childlike with the big brown hat falling over his eyes. The hat didn’t take long to decide.

“GRYFFINDOR”

Sirius wandered over to the crowd of red, looking half like he couldn’t believe his luck, and half like he couldn’t believe his misfortune.

The next familiar face to be sorted was the Evans girl from the station, straight into Gryffindor too. Remus then zoned out again, looking around the hall. It was ridiculous. The candles levitated low over each table, somehow not dripping hot wax all over the food, and as for the ceiling; Remus spent most of the ceremony staring up at the endless sky, it looked deep and swampy, cluttered with stars and thin wispy clouds. He was so distracted that he was quite taken aback when he heard a distant voice calling his name.

“Lupin, Remus”, the clipped Scottish accent of McGonagall sounded again. Remus snapped back to find himself directly in front of the hat. Reluctantly, he shuffled forward and pulled it onto his head. It did smell a bit, as he thought it might, but not too bad, just sort of old, like the smell of Christmas decorations after they’ve been gathering dust in a musty cupboard all year. Quite an exciting scent, in many ways.

_“Ah now, you are a curious case”_

Remus struggled to keep himself from jumping in his seat as he heard the hats rich voice fill his ears. It felt like the hat and penetrated his head itself, and it was almost violating.

_“Full of magic, aren’t you, positively brimming with it. Now that kind of power could see you go far in Slytherin”_

Remus smiled a little, despite himself.

_“Ah, you like that idea, I see. But now now, let’s not be too hasty to judge. Ravenclaw? No, perhaps not. Hufflepuff?”_

_Not_ Hufflepuff, Remus thought firmly.

_“Not Hufflepuff eh? No, that doesn’t fit right either, does it. Perhaps Slytherin it is”_ the hat continued _.  
“But hold on, now this is an interesting idea. Yes, I can see this working very well indeed. Then it’s settled, Remus Lupin, you could go very far in_

GRYFFINDOR!”  
  
What? Remus almost shouted aloud. Where had that complete U-turn come from. He’d have been happy in Slytherin, he was so close, and he was in Gryffindor. He walked over to the table and inserted himself next to Lily, indignant. The ceremony went on. James was sorted into Gryffindor too- the hat had barely brushed his unruly curls when it made its decision, and James sauntered over to the table, grinning broadly. Snape was put into Slytherin, much to Lily’s disappointment. Remus, once again, stopped paying attention. He reverted in on himself, as he often did, the chatter of students become white noise, a subtle soundtrack to his thoughts. He felt sleep. The events of the day had made his brain feel odd- detached from reality. The great hall, despite its cavernous walls, stone floor and lack of ceiling was warm form the candles and the bodies of students packed tight together. The light was golden and inviting and flickered hypnotically. Remus thought he could smell food somewhere, distantly, and his stomach responded, his sandwich and sherbet lemons had long since worn off.

Moments after the final student had been sorted, an endless assortment of food appeared abruptly on the table before him. Had he not been so entirely famished he would’ve taken a moment to marvel at the magic, but Remus took no hesitation in piling his plate high with food. He had an enormous appetite, that was only heightened in the lead up to the moon. The Evan’s girl frowned at him as he shovelled potatoes into his mouth. James and Sirius were neatly carving their food with the ornate silverware provided- a trademark symbol of their upper-class upbringing. It was more than just common table manners; the systematic way in which they ate, posture straight and alert, eating slowly and delicately, this was table etiquette.

“So, this is what the rich kids get up to”, Remus thought to himself. “I got taught by the other kids at school how to steal pop from the offie without getting caught, whilst they were being taught what cutlery to use for the fish course” He smirked to himself.

Remus was glad when they were told to rise and follow a prefect to their dorm room. The food and the journey and the moon were causing his eyelids to droop. He was completely shattered. Blindly, he followed the sea of kids betrothed in red. The prefect they were following, something Weasley, Remus was too tired to catch his first name, had amazingly red hair, that would’ve made him the perfect candidate for mockery at his primary school.

He was completely ready to be shown to his dorm and collapse into bed, when McGonagall ushered him aside.

“Mr Lupin, would you accompany me to my office for a moment, please?”

Remus could’ve groaned. He was exhausted. How could he be in trouble already, anyway. Were they just picking on him because he wasn’t a toff, and therefore was assumed to be a rough, menacing yob?

She guided him into a small office adjacent to the common room. The inside was relatively sparse; an impressive mahogany desk and two comfortable chairs upholstered with deep red fabric. McGonagall sat opposite Remus. When he looked at her closer, her face looked far less stern, the lines on her skin softer. She had a strangely kind face. Not conventionally kind, but there was something comforting about her. Remus had grown to demonise grown-ups; there only to discipline and scold and act as though they were superior just because they had a few more lines on their skin. Remus thought he’d been through a whole lot more aged eleven than the majority of middle-aged folks, and yet they assumed they had the authority to tell him what to do. But there was something different about McGonagall, she had the same charm as Pomfrey and Dumbledore. Something more understanding, they treated him with maturity, not like a child (well, Pomfrey did tend to mother him slightly but he couldn’t complain, it was rather welcome in the absence of maternal affection in his life).

“This won’t take long, Lupin, take a seat.”

Remus sat and she offered him a biscuit. He took several and shoved most of them in his robe pocket. She raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

“With the full moon coming up shortly, I wanted to ensure that you are clear on certain arrangements”

Remus nodded.

“You will meet Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing on the night of the moon, and from their you will carry out your ordinary arrangement. Are you happy with this, Mr Lupin?”

Remus nodded yet again. He had no idea where the hospital wing was but he was too tired to stay and talk any longer. He could feel his eyes drooping as McGonagall’s Scottish lilt sang him to sleep.

“Very well, see yourself out. Goodnight Mr Lupin”.

“What was all that about? In trouble already? That’s impressive, I like your style”.

Remus’ head shot up at the sound of Potter’s voice. The three boys from the train were sitting outside the common room door, backs against the wall.

“What are you doing waiting for me?” Remus asked disdainfully. He was tired and irritable and couldn’t be bothered talking.

“You’re very welcome” replied Sirius, hopping to his feet. “Just thought you might want some company. Besides you needed someone to tell you the password.” He smiled.

“Fizzwizzle” He spoke, and the portrait swung open. The boys began to walk inside.

“Oh, and James wanted to stay to find out what you did to be dragged into McGonagall’s already, he was very impressed. Think he’d got a bit of a crush on you Remus” Peter babbled enthusiastically, eager to be part of the discussion. James turned red.   
“Shut up Peter, I’m not a poof. But what did she want you for?”  
  
“Oh, nothing, just wanted to t go over some school arrangements with me” He replied vaguely. His pulse had quickened though. Despite knowing that they’d never guess he was a werewolf from that, he still felt incredibly anxious around the topic. It was easy to hide from the kids at home- muggles. That would be the last conclusion they would come to. But it wasn’t an impossible idea in the wizarding world, and Remus knew his time at Hogwarts would be over completely if word got out. No parent would want their child living alongside a monster like him, and he knew he’d be sent home. Dumbledore was very serious about keeping it a secret.

“Boooring” Sirius drawled as they climbed the stairs to their dormitory. Remus shrugged and flopped onto the bed nearest the door, finding that his things has been sent up already and were waiting for him at the foot of his bed.

Despite his exhaustion, it took a while for him to fall asleep that night. He was rubbish at adjusting to new environments, and he was in sensory overload, hyper aware of the texture of the sheets on his skin, and all the noises of the night, the flutter of owls outside, rain on the window, and the main offender; James and Sirius laughing and whispering to each other late into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry these chapters are kind of boring and bland; it's hard to get in all the info I need to convey as well as keeping it interesting. The chapters should start to become more exciting now all of the arrival to Hogwarts stuff is done and dusted, and I can start focusing on character development and other exciting stuff so I can work up to the marauders that we know and love woowoo!


	4. Fresh Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus' first full moon at Hogwarts isn't easy on him. TW blood, violence injury etc. Nothing super graphic but idk- best be safe :)

5th September, 1971.  
  
Remus was only four days into his new life at Hogwarts when he was confronted with his first full moon. What a cruel twist of fate, he thought to himself. On the whole, life was pretty shit. His lessons were going terribly, all the kids seemed to be leaps and bounds ahead of him, especially James and Sirius. He wondered at first if it was because he’d grown up in a muggle environment, but the Evans girl seemed to be a natural as well. Peter wasn’t so much better than him, which was reassuring, but even he managed to get some things right. Although at his old school he’d dumbed himself down a bit, he still would’ve been considered quite clever for his class, but here, he felt impossibly thick. Hogwarts wasn’t all he thought it might be, either. He was strangely missing home. All his life he’d been waiting to get here, and he’d romanticised and dreamed of Hogwarts for as long as he could remember, but now he was actually here, it felt all too much, and he found himself missing his old routine. He could identify with the kids on his estate much more than anyone at Hogwarts, and he even missed his boring old nana. Back at home, he felt bright, like he had the potential to get somewhere in the world, but here, it was much more complicated, and he worried he was wasting his time. Remus knew, in reality, that he’d only been here four days, and that all number of things could change, but he’d always been a chronic overthinker, and the full moon was making his brain all out of whack, making him anxious and irritable.  
  
_Shit, how can it be that painting again?_  
  
Remus had been wandering around for a while now, trying to find the hospital wing. He’d given himself plenty of time just in case of this very situation. Still, it was getting later and later and he was getting nervous now. How stupid that they didn’t give out maps. Remus had been trying to keep track of his routes around the castle in his head, but had been unsuccessful so far. He might have to start bringing a notebook with him and trying to map the castle.

“Aw isn’t he sweet”  
  
Remus spun around on hearing the woman’s voice, but the corridor was empty.  
  
“Looks a bit scrawny if you ask me”  
  
Another woman’s voice!  
  
“Who’s there?” Remus called out, his small voice ricocheting off the old stone walls.  
  
“We’re right here, dear”  
  
It was coming from the painting.  
  
“Are you alright, love, you’ve walked past us about seven times in the past ten minutes”  
  
Remus gawked at the painting. He knew they moved but hadn’t clocked that they could talk. He suddenly realised he could use this to his advantage.  
  
“Well, actually, I’m lost. D’yknow where the hospital wing is?”  
  
“Poor love, just follow us dear and we’ll lead the way”.  
  
To Remus’ further astonishment, the two women jumped from the velvety background of their painting, into the next one along, a pastoral scene of some cows who lifted their heads as they entered. The two women climbed through painting after painting, with the residents giving slight noises of acknowledgement but never complaining. After a few minutes they stopped.  
  
“It’s just around the corner dear”.  
  
Remus thanked them and walked around the corner, and much to his relief, Madame Pomfrey was there to greet him.  
  
“There you are sweetheart I was getting worried. Did you find your way alright?”  
  
Remus hesitated.  
  
“Yes thanks.”  
  
“Oh good, I’m glad you’re learning to navigate your way around the castle already, it took me months to learn”.  
  
Remus smiled weakly. The full moon had taken a massive toll on him this month. Perhaps it was all the change or suddenly being surrounded by so much magic, but he felt exhausted, his bones ached and he could tell it was going to be a painful one.  
  
“Well, are you ready my love?”  
  
Remus nodded, and Madame Pomfrey led him out of the castle. He felt very tense that somebody would spot them and his whole secret would be revealed just days into his life at Hogwarts. Madame Pomfrey seemed confident though. This was his first time going to the shack from Hogwarts; they usually went from Hogsmeade. It was beginning to get dark, the light was grainy and blue, the kind that makes your eyes go fuzzy, and soon the moon would be high in the sky.  
  
They made their way into the shack and Madame Pomfrey waited at the door as Remus sat himself down on the little metal frame bed in the corner of the room. She looked at him with the same pitiful sorrow in her eyes as always; a look which Remus couldn’t stand.  
  
“Will you be okay?” she asked.  
  
It was never okay, never. It was always excruciating and never got better. In fact, it seemed to get more painful as he grew older. But he hadn’t died yet, so that was just about as okay as it got.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Very well, I’ll collect you in the morning”.  
  
Madame Pomfrey looked as though she was going to say something else, but didn’t. Instead, she gave him another pitying gaze and hurried out. Remus removed his little striped pyjamas, rolled them up and hid them somewhere he knew the wolf wouldn’t be able to destroy them. Sometimes he though this was the worst bit. Sitting there naked and vulnerable, and cold, just waiting for it all to hit him.  
  
And then the transition came, and he remembered that this wasn’t the worst bit at all. The battle between his human and wolf brain was incredibly distressing as it was, his head grew muddled and fuzzy and began to hurt very much indeed as primal thoughts began to dominate. And then came pain, blinding, excruciating pain, as slowly, his joints and bones popped out of place, and shifted and expanded, wracking his tiny body with violent convulsions. And from there he remembered nothing more.  
  
The wolf was agitated. Although this was the same place as always, he felt something was different. There was more tangible magic in the air and it made him more raring to get out of this confinement. He howled until his throat was raw, and then began to bite and scratch at itself, big gashes and marks. He could smell magic and blood all around, rabbits and deer and much more just beyond the walls of the room, so close he could smell them. But he was terribly, horribly trapped, and this was too much to bear; forced to take his frustration out on himself.  
  
Remus awoke to Madame Pomfrey’s voice. Christ, how embarrassing. He would usually wake up some time before and muster the strength to put his pyjamas on before she came, but the moon must have really taken a toil on him, and now he lay, naked and vulnerable before her. He curled himself into a ball as a reflex. Madame Pomfrey didn’t care at all. She fetched his pyjamas for him and helped him into them. Each movement of his limbs was agony and there was a searing pain in his head. Not to mention lots of new cuts and gashes. Which meant new scars- always new scars.  
  
He fell in and out of consciousness all morning as Madame Pomfrey tended to him in the infirmary, with spells and potions. This was also his first time in the infirmary, and it was strangely comforting. It smelt like TCP mixed with roots and herbs. By now most of his pain had been treated, and he was now simply achy and very tired. Remus was fighting sleep again when suddenly a very worrisome thought crossed his mind. He was missing a whole day of lessons. He sat up abruptly which caused him to cry out in pain.  
  
“Now now love, what are you doing, you should be getting some sleep” Madame Pomfrey said caringly.  
  
“You don’t understand, I’ve got lessons, I’m behind enough as it is, I’ve gotta go, now!”  
  
She chuckled.  
  
“You wouldn’t be able to learn in this state. Rest is what is most important today. I’m sure your friends can fill you in on any work you’ve missed”.  
  
Remus didn’t have the heart to tell her that he didn’t have any friends. The other boys in his dormitory were nice enough to him, and sometimes were kind enough to take pity on him and try to involve him in whatever they were doing, but Remus could tell they didn’t really want him there. He didn’t fir, and that was ok- they weren’t really his kind of people anyway. Besides, he was used to being alone. He quite liked it, in fact. He couldn’t be bothered to argue with Poppy. Maybe he’d try again next time, because he really didn’t want to fall behind, but right now bed was warm and he was tired, so he let sleep take over.

Eventually at around six, Pomfrey agreed that he could leave. He got into his robes as he didn’t much like walking through the halls in his pyjamas, and wandered up to the dormitory. The common room was nearly empty, and none of the lads were in the dormitory.  
  
_Great_ , Remus thought to himself.

He liked having time alone, and he decided to try and catch up on some schoolwork, though he really didn’t feel like it. None of the words in the books were going into his brain, so he attempted some practical magic instead. Most of his attempts, nothing happened at all, and on the final attempt he nearly set the room on fire, so he decided to call it a night, and curled up in the windowsill with one of his favourite books. _The Phantom Tollbooth_ by Norton Juster. It was a kids book, really, but he’d grown up with it and he thought the story was fantastic. It sort of felt like reading about the inside of his brain.  
  
“This room could really do with a record player” Remus thought aloud.  
  
“Yeah I agree."  
  
Remus nearly jumped out of his skin. Sirius was sitting on the bed closest to him.  
  
“Fucking hell, where did you come from?”  
  
“I came in about ten minutes ago- you were so engrossed in your book that you didn’t notice”  
  
Remus made a vague noise of acknowledgement. He hated being snuck up on like that.  
  
“What’re you reading, anyway?” Sirius asked.  
  
“S’nothing, just a muggle book”  
  
“Can I see?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Okay. So, you’re into music too? What kind of stuff do you like?”  
  
Remus hated how laid back and easy-going Sirius was. He didn’t react to Remus’ blatant irritability at all.  
  
“Dunno. The Beatles are quite good I spose- somebody let me borrow their Abbey Road vinyl once. I like The Velvet Underground too, they’re pretty cool”.  
  
For some reason Remus felt embarrassed talking about music he liked.  
  
“Me too! You’ve got great taste- hey what about T. Rex- they’re great”.  
  
Remus smiled despite himself. The idea of having some kind of common ground with one of these lads was strangely nice. Remus loved music, lots, and the thought of having someone to talk to about it was nice.  
  
Just then, James and Peter burst through the door.  
  
“Hey Sirius- you found Remus! Hey where were you last night- and all of today?” shouted Peter.  
  
He’d just realised Sirius hadn’t asked Remus where he was, and he thanked him internally for it.  
  
“Oh I just got into a bit of an accident last night, got a few injuries. Nothing major but had to stay in the infirmary overnight, tha’sall”. Remus replied vaguely.  
  
“Oh, bad luck mate. Well, glad to have you back anyway” Offered James.  
  
Remus struggled to believe this. He went to bed that night feeling no more hopeful than the day before, but at least that was the moon over for another month.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha as if I've decided to resurrect myself to post another chapter. Idk- a wave of inspiration hit me and Remus is my comfort character so this was just kinds cathartic. Don't assume that I'm gonna keep uploading regularly bc that's unlikely but who knows- we'll see. Anyway, hope this is ok for ya.


	5. Pull Your Stockings Up, Kid.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Remus gets by with a little help from his...sort of friend. James lends him a hand with some of the work.

17th October 1971

Remus had been at Hogwarts for over a month now, and although he wasn’t doing any better academically, nor friend-wise for that matter, his life had now developed a kind of rhythm. Most of his time was spent walking around castle and its grounds, trying to make sense of it all. The staircases moved, new rooms and corridors seemed to appear where there were none before, but Remus had taken to carrying a little notebook and pencil in his pocket to sketch down drawings or notes. The rest of the time, he would either be curled away in a nook in the library, or on the banks of the lake.

He liked the library a lot. He never studied or worked in there- sometimes he tried but he just couldn’t get himself to understand what all the dusty old books were on about. He reckoned they could do with a fiction section. No, he was just fascinated by the ornateness of it all. The entire castle was rapturing for him, given he’d spent the last six years of his life in a bleak council estate, but there was just something about the library. The ceiling was adorned in mesmerising paintings; mermaids surrounded by swirling blue and green ocean waves, a big smiling sun whose golden rays seemed to fall right into the room, wands which spouted a mic of eclectic colours that seemed to seep and run across the ceiling like watercolour. In hidden places Remus had found beautiful old tiles and mosaics of various magical things he couldn’t understand. Remus liked to sit there and ponder and observe the older students at work.

He liked the lake too. His favourite days were when Quidditch matches were on. There had only been about two so far, bur Remus had no desire to go. That way, most of the castle and its grounds would be empty, and Remus could really have some time to himself. On clear days, he liked to sit by the lake, writing stories, and more recently, songs. He didn’t realise how much he missed music, but the silence at Hogwarts felt sometimes deafening. There was the choir, but they only did very serious old wizard-y songs, which were fun to listen to once or twice, but quickly got boring. At home, there was music on all the time. His nana would have the wireless on all day, although she complained about most of the modern stuff. She’d also put her old records on, from the 20s and 30s, swing and jazz. Remus missed that a lot.   
  
It was a struggle to write songs with no instrument. He’d always wanted to learn guitar but his Nana thought it was a waste of time and besides, they hadn’t the money for lessons. Or a guitar, for that matter. Remus wrote lyrics and imagined a tune to go with them. Nothing too deep, he couldn’t be arsed to delve into emotional ballads about his lycanthropy or his being an orphan. No, he kept things bouncy and upbeat, about life on his estate, slagging off school, stuff like that. He didn’t think they were very good, but he had fun putting them together nonetheless.  
  
At the moment the castle was gearing up for All Hallows Eve. Enormous pumpkins and squashes taller than him were being carried into the castle, the leaves on the surrounding trees were a spectrum of crimson, bright orange, yellows and golds, and Remus was sure some kind of enchantment had been put on them since he’d never seen such bright leaves before. Remus wasn’t hugely into Halloween, but the castle did feel lovely and cosy, he supposed.

One afternoon, Remus was leaving his transfiguration class when McGonagall called after him to stay behind for a moment. Some of the lads made an “ooooohhh” noise and Sirius and James shot him a look of pity. Remus shuffled up to her desk.

“What is it?” Asked Remus bluntly. The full moon was coming up and he felt tired and irritable.

McGonagall raised her eyebrows but said nothing.

“Well, Mr Lupin, myself as well as some of your other teachers can’t help but to notice that you appear to be” She hesitated, thinking of a word. “ _Struggling_ , in some of your classes”.

Remus swallowed. _Christ, here we go._

“You haven’t managed to perform any kind of transfiguration in my class thus far, Mr Lupin, not even an unsuccessful one. Professor Flitwick tells me you’re having the same kind of trouble in charms, as well, and as for potions, herbology, Defence Against the Dark Arts…”

“Does this mean you’re sending me home?”

McGonagall chuckled, which took Remus aback slightly.

“Of course not. We can all see you have the potential, Mr Lupin.”

Remus scoffed.

“I’m serious.” McGonagall said sternly. “I’ve had plenty of students like you, who struggle at first, and most of them go on to excel”.

“But I’m useless.” Said Remus dejectedly.

“Nonsense. We just thought you might benefit from a bit of help. We thought perhaps one of the other students could help. Another first year so no unfamiliar faces. What about James Potter. You’re good friends, aren’t you?”

Remus froze. Tutoring. From James Potter. Oh no no no.

Up until now he’d successfully been able to avoid much interaction with any of the other boys, apart from a few brief conversations with Sirius, who for some reason seemed to want to engage with him. But James? No way. James had already built up a reputation as the coolest first year boy. He had no desire to hang out with a weird kid like Remus.

“Erm” Replied Remus, looking at his shoes.

“I’ll have a word with him and arrange it all” said McGonagall.

“I really don’t think that- “

But McGonagall cut him off, shooing him out the door.

“Enjoy the rest of your day Mr Lupin”.

20th October 1971

Remus was perched on one of the high windowsills in the library, completely lost in his own thoughts, when a familiar bouncy voice nearly caused him to topple down.

“Alright, Remus mate? I thought I’d find you here” called James.

“How did you know I’d be here” Replied Remus, perplexed.

“I see you in here all the time- I wonder about saying hi but you always seem so distant I don’t want to disturb you. Anyway, you doing alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, good” Remus replied vaguely. He hadn’t thought the other lads payed much attention to him.   
  
He looked at James “What did’ja want?”

“McGonagall said you might need a hand with some of the work- I’d be glad to help. I always find walking about it with someone else helps me to understand it better too. Besides, I’d like to get to know you more, you’re pretty quiet, don’t really like talking to us do ya?”

Remus smiled but internally he was loathing McGonagall for setting this up.

James was still babbling on. “Don’t blame you really- we’re dead annoying. Sorry sorry, I’m talking your ear off. Do you wanna get going now? We’ve got charms homework we could go over.”

Remus nodded and climbed down. He was dreading this so much- he was sure James would find his stupidity hilarious, and he’d tell the others and they’d all have a right laugh about it. Not that he cared.

Christ, sometimes he missed the lads at home. He wondered if he’d be better off at the secondary modern. He was pretty weak but he could throw himself into some practical work, get strong, go out into the world and earn a proper living- live a simple life. There’d be no more toffs looking down their noses at him, just the other kids from school, common as muck, just the way he liked it.

They climbed through the portrait-hole and found a quiet spot in the corner. James ran and got their books for them.

“So, what are you finding hard?” James asked, plopping himself down.

“I dunno really, all of it I guess, I just can’t do magic. Nothing happens when I wave my wand- not even the wrong thing”.

James nodded. “I had a cousin like that. She didn’t do any magic until the last day of her first year, then I guess something suddenly clicked. She’s a great witch now- you’ll learn”.

That’s what McGonagall had told him.

James flicked the book to the right page.

“Flitwick told us to practice this charm for homework- the aparecium charm. It’s supposed to reveal invisible ink, and he’s given us these parchments he’s written on to practice with. Shall we try?”

Remus knew there was no use, but he nodded.

“The book says it’s a circular motion then sharply down”. James read.

Then he tried it

“Aparecium!”

Nothing happened, which pleased Remus a little.

“You give it a go Remus”.

Remus looked at the floor. He waved his wand around a bit.

“Aparecium” He mumbled.

As he suspected, nothing happened.

“Hm” muttered James. “Tough one to crack”

James tried again.

“Aparecium!”

He said it more clearly this time, and his hand whipped through the air, full of purpose and intention.

This time, black lettering began to reveal itself, like ink seeping into the page. James cracked one of his brilliant grins.

“I did it!”.

Remus leaned over to read it.

_Congratulations- you’ve cracked the Aparecium charm!_

_Well done, and keep practicing._

_Prof. Flitwick._

“You try again, Remus”.

He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to make James watch him fail again and again all night, but he obliged.

“Aparecium” He mumbled again. Nothing, again.

He tried a few more times, with James’ guidance, and then they tried a few more, simpler charms from earlier in the year, still no luck. James was annoyingly upbeat as ever though, and assured Remus that he’d get there in the end. They moved onto book work in the end, and Remus had to admit that he was able to understand things a bit better with James’ help.

“I dunno about you mate” Said James after about two hours.

“But I’m getting tired. Shall we kick the books and call it a night?”

Remus nodded and got up to get ready for bed.

“Thanks for the help James”.

“No problem mate, anytime”.

Remus wouldn’t have described his evening as _fun_ , per say, but it did feel quite nice to actually talk to someone, to have someone treat him like a friend, even if James was just putting it on to be kind, which he thought likely. He was a surprisingly good teacher, too, and he felt maybe a tiny bit more confident.

Remus climbed the stairs to bed with a slight spring in his step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like these chapters are so BORING at the moment. Please bear with me, I've got things planned but these chapters are just trying to introduce life at Hogwarts and stuff like that,


	6. The First Prank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first marauder prank! Remus makes proper friends with the other boys, and comes to realise he's a little more magical than he initially thought.

27th October 1971

Remus sat in the corner of the common room, humming to himself. He had Sunday Morning by The Velvet Underground stuck in his head, and would’ve done anything to able to listen to it. He thought that maybe they were his favourite band.

He’d grown more used to being around people since starting his tutoring with James, and the other boys seemed to include him more. Sirius shot him a smile.

“Sunday Morning, right?”

Remus nodded.

“Nice, I love that album.”

He liked talking to Sirius about music. It was all they ever talked about, really. The other two didn’t have a clue about muggle music. Remus didn’t really know how Sirius did, being a major pure-blood, but he’d never thought to ask.

The other lads were in the centre of the room, whilst Remus sat some distance away, looking out the window. He still felt slightly unsure of how to interact with them, and besides, they were planning some kind of magic prank or something, so he’d be no use there.

He was rather enjoying watching the sun go down, and listening in on the excited chatter of the boys. They were planning a prank which involved getting all the squash and pumpkins at the great Halloween feast to explode all over the Slytherin table. Remus didn’t understand the vendetta they had against the house, and put it down to old house rivalry, or some crap like that.

The boys had figured out how to get the squash to explode, but were stumped on how to get them to explode only over the Slytherins. 

“We can’t just use bombarda” James repeated. “We need to work out how to get the pumpkins over to the table first. Besides, bombarda alone is too simple. I want this to be a whole spectacle.”

“Well do you have any better ideas?” Replied Sirius sarkily.

Remus, without even thinking, interjected

“You could use the suits of armour?”

Remus recalled reading about a spell which allowed the caster to bring the armour to life and control it.

The boys all looked up at him.

“Go on” Replied James.

“Well, there’s this spell, Piertotum Locomotor” Remus replied, and explained the enchantment to the lads, who seemed to get more excited with every word he spoke.

“Let’s see!” Said Peter eagerly.

Remus ran up to the dormitory and returned shortly with the book. The boys gathered around.

“Oh man.” Said Peter. “This spell is complex. I mean, REALLY complex. We’re just first years, not even two months in at Hogwarts. There’s no way”.

“Oh” Replied Remus dejectedly. “Sorry, I hadn’t thought of that.” He turned his face away, feeling stupid.

“Oh, don’t be such a Debbie Downer Pete, nothing’s too much of a challenge for us, right James” said Sirius, which reassured Remus slightly.

“Yeah Pete” added James.

Peter blushed. Poor guy, he was so desperate to be cool like James and Sirius, and Remus could tell. Nobody could top those two, though. They’d somehow already accumulated a cult following of first years, even some second and third years too, and even older students would do that approving nod of acknowledgment towards them in the corridors.

“C’mon, curfew’s not for another half an hour, the corridors’ll be quiet. What about we try it now?” Proposed Sirius, and the others agreed, standing up.

“You coming, Remus?” Asked Peter.

He had nothing better to do, and it might be funny watching the others fail, so Remus nodded and hopped down from the window, following them out of the common room.

Remus was right it was funny. He leant against the wall as the other boys studied the book and shouted the incantation at every suit of armour they passed. It was almost fun, actually. Sirius and James even made Remus laugh out loud on occasion with their antics, and Remus rarely laughed.  
  
It was all going great until James turned to Remus.

“Remus, why don’t you try”

Remus scoffed.

“You know I can’t. I can’t do any magic, not even easy charms that you guys mastered on the first day”.

He hated drawing attention to his incompetency with magic. It was embarrassing.

“Oh, go on, we can’t do it either so it’s worth a shot.” Offered Sirius.

“Alright fine” Remus reluctantly agreed.

He reached into his robe for his wand. He knew he’d be unsuccessful, but Sirius was right, none of the others could do it either, so it wouldn’t be embarrassing if he failed, like it normally was. He didn’t feel particularly judged in this environment, either, buzzing and energised from socialising with people he thought maybe he could be friends with, after all. He even felt strangely confident, as he picked up his wand.

He’d remembered James talking about confidence with magic in one of their recent tutoring sessions.

“You shouldn’t mumble the incantations, say them clearly. And try and move your wand with more purpose. I find that if I pretend to know what I’m doing my wand tends to follow suit. You’ve gotta have confidence, Lupin! It’s all about the confidence”.

“It’s hard to be confident when I fail every time” Remus replied glumly.

“You’ll get there.” Replied James reassuringly. “But just remember what I said, it all hangs on the confidence of your execution”.

And now, Remus was confident, almost buzzing as he took his wand out his pocket. He studied the notes on the spell in the book, then lifted up his wand to cast it.

He moved his wrist, and said the incantation loudly and clearly.

“Piertotum Locomotor”

It was unlike anything Remus had experienced before. It was like his whole arm was buzzing as he held his wand steady. He was so caught up on the feeling, that he didn’t notice the enormous heavy suit stepping down from its plinth and walking towards him.

There was complete silence, and then, from behind him, and eruption of whoops, cheers, whistling and clapping and stamping of feet. The other boys were ecstatic, and Remus was as well.

He’d done it. He’d done fucking magic, real magic. And not just any old spell, either, but a really complex one, that even James and Sirius failed to do, and they were some of the brightest in the year.

Before he knew it, he was tackled from behind and pushed to the floor. It was James.

“I knew it! I knew you had it in you. What did I say Lupin, whaddid I say!”

Sirius and Peter followed suit, piling on top of Remus’ small body. Remus grinned in spite of himself. He’d never felt such elation in his life. It felt great to have done magic, and great to have friend (he supposed they must be his friends) and it felt great to be at Hogwarts. He found himself becoming emotional, or perhaps just overwhelmed, but he didn’t want to cry in front of the others.

“Gerrof me ya bunch of poofters” He grunted from the bottom of the pile.

The boys climbed off him, faces red with excitement.

“Can you do it again?” Asked Peter.

Remus picked up his wand, even more full of confidence than the first time, and he chanted the incantation again.

At first, the suit was still, and Remus’ heart sank, but suddenly it lurched into action, and somehow felt easier to control than the last time. The boys cheered again.

“Can you get it to do anything other than walk?” Asked James. “We need these guys to pick up massive pumpkins, after all.”

Remus pondered for a moment. He thought he’d try something simple at first, and get it to dance a kind of jig. He held the image in his mind, and tried to direct the thought out through his wand, because he wasn’t really sure how else to do it.

To his astonishment, and much to the amazement of the others as well, the suit broke out into a clumsy, but clear nonetheless, Irish jig.

The others laughed, Peter so much so that a large bubble of snot escaped his nose.

Remus then had a better idea, and he pointed his wand towards Peter. The suit stepped towards the blonde boy and scooped him up.

Peter shrieked in terror and the other guffawed and thumped him on the back, causing Remus to lose focus, sending Peter toppling out of the armoured hands.

“I’ll have to work on it” said Remus with a light laugh.

The air was full of excitement as they all made their way back to the common room, and the boys congratulated him again and again on his magic, which made Remus feel pretty fantastic.

“I put it down to my excellent teaching skills” laughed James.

“Seriously though, you know you’re a major part of this prank now, whether you like it or not. We can’t do it without you!” Said Sirius.

“Yeah, come and be a proper part of the gang Remus! You’re always just on the outskirts” cried Peter.

“We do like you, yknow” Said Sirius. “A lot”.

Remus grinned.

Once everybody was asleep that night, Remus let himself cry for the very first time since arriving at Hogwarts. For the very first time in a long time, in fact. Tears of joy.

31st October 1971

The common room was nearly empty, everybody disappearing off to join the Halloween feast. Remus, James, Sirius and Peter, however, were busy going over the plan.

“This won’t get the feast cancelled, will it? I’m starving” Peter said worriedly.

“No worries Pete, we’ll do it all after we eat, just before Dumbledore gives his speech. I’ll give the signal” Replied James.

“So, Remus, you’ll leave about twenty minutes beforehand, going around the castle collecting as many suits of armour as you can, and bringing them into The Great Hall. All the teachers’ll be at the feast so no worries there” Said Sirius.

Remus nodded.

“When we see them all walking in, that’s our cue. There’s a side entrance into the hall that comes out right by the Slytherin table, so we’ll hide in the doorway” He continued,

“Then Remus will direct them all to pick up a gourd and gather one by one around the table” James continued on from Sirius.

“And then we go crazy with the bombarda charm!” Finished Peter with a grin.

“Cool, so that’s all sorted. C’mon, lets get some grub lads I’m ravenous” Said James.

The feast was pretty spectacular. The enormous gourds adorned the room with their earthy warm tones. The usual house banners had been replaced by beautiful tapestries of orange and yellow, embroidered with some type of golden thread so they sparkled in the glow of the candlelight.

Remus had a big appetite at this stage in the moon cycle, and he shovelled down bowls of pumpkin soup, and roast potatoes, meat and roast veg and pumpkin pasties, followed by pecan pie, pumpkin pie, and every other kind of pie imaginable. Once he was certifiably stuffed, James gave the signal, and Remus stood up from the table, disappearing off into the castle.

The halls were eerily quiet, though Remus didn’t mind much. He hadn’t had the amount of alone time that he would usually have, now that he had actual friends, so he cherished the silence. He’d only need about ten suits of armour for the prank, and since they were everywhere, they weren’t hard to find. The real challenge was keeping them all under control. He’d been practicing like made for the past five days, but he hadn’t manned this many at once before, it was draining. He persevered, however, fuelled by the warm food in his stomach, and the prospect of mischief.

It had been ages since he had been able to be properly mischievous, and he missed it. Remus and the boys at his primary school sometimes got into silly antics at school, carrying out pranks that were painfully simple compared to this, a whoopie cushion on the teacher’s chair, itching powder in somebody’s PE kit, but still great fun, and he’d missed the thrill.

He directed the armour into the hall, hiding around the corner so nobody would see. He could see Dumbledore getting up to give his speech, but stopped in his tracks as he watched the armour file in. Remus wondered if the old wizard would put a stop to the whole thing, but the headmaster simply watched the scene play out, a familiar twinkle in his eye. Remus thought Dumbledore probably liked a bit of mischief, too.

As this was happening, James, Sirius and Peter got up, _oh so casually_ from their seats, and hurried out the main entrance, passing Remus on their way to the side entrance. They all flashed him smiles or thumbs up as they passed, which made Remus feel incredibly warm inside.

On his instruction, the suits of armour had started picking up enormous squash from the side of the room, and had began to gather around the green table at the end of the room. This was even more draining, since now Remus was also having to deal with the weight of the pumpkins as well as the armour, but he kept going as best he could, although a couple of the suits of armour stumbled on their way.

Soon enough, the Slytherin table was surrounded by the armoured figures. Remus could just make out some of the students, looking rather uncomfortable, and fidgeting in their seats, although there was no way out. The armour had them trapped.

The whole hall was silent in anticipation, and the tension was thick and tangible in the ear.

Then suddenly, an enormous bang and the shriek of an older girl with wild black curls. The biggest pumpkin had exploded all over her hair, face and robes.

“Bella, calm down” said the straight-haired girl next to her, until an enormous squash exploded in her face too. She kept her composure more than the other girl, but still wrung her hands and whined and tried to pull the orange gunk from her hair.

Then all hell broke loose. The gourds blew up one after the other in quick succession, like a chain reaction. The Slytherins were attempting to run for cover, but struggling to escape between the solid suits of armour, and were forced to submit themselves to the downpour of orange goop.

It was a fantastic spectacle to watch, and Remus grinned from ear to ear. His hard work was done, and he was now able to sit back and watch the scene unfold. Part of him felt bad, subjecting these poor students to the prank, but then he saw that awful Snape boy, pumpkin flesh clinging to his greasy locks and the sourest expression Remus had ever seen on a person, and felt better about the whole thing.

The initial panic calmed down after around ten minutes. Some of the professors set about casting spells to clear up the mess, and soon the Slytherins were clean and tidy once again, as was the Great Hall.

Remus stayed on listening to Dumbledore’s speech, which was quite dull, really. However, at the end, he added.   
  
“And for the pranksters. You should know that we at Hogwarts do not in any way endorse vicious house rivalry, nor the torment of your fellow students.” He paused.

“However, this time you will not be punished, simply due to the sheer impressiveness of the spell-work”.

Remus smiled again. He hadn’t noticed the other creep up behind him, and jumped a little when he was suddenly greeted by their smiling faces.

“You were fantastic, Remus!” Cried Peter, face flushed with excitement.

“Yeah, that was brilliant wasn’t it!” Agreed James.

“Come on guys, we’d better get going Dumbledore’s finished his speech and it’ll look pretty suspicious if we’re all hanging out here when everyone comes out” Said Sirius.

“And yeah, Remus. That was excellent, even Dumbledore was impressed. You must be knackered though”.

“Completely” Yawned Remus. “Let’s get to bed”.

Remus thought to himself in bed that night. He though, although wasn’t completely sure, but he though that maybe today had been the best day of his life.


	7. You're a good mate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we have the first of the marauder's birthdays; Sirius'! The guys all have some good old boyish fun and Remus' friendship with them is growing. Aw.

1st November 1971

Remus woke up feeling surprisingly well rested. It was the morning after their big prank and he was feeling the best he’d felt since starting Hogwarts. The thrill of having friends still hadn’t died down, and whilst the other boys still grated on him from time to time, he was glad to have their company. Truth be told, he had been getting rather lonely at Hogwarts.

On the way down to breakfast that morning, James caught Remus by the sleeve of his robe, so that they were walking a distance away from Sirius and Peter, up ahead.

“Oi, what do you want” Remus said rather crossly.

“Just wanted to ask you what you’ve got Sirius for his birthday?”

“What? When’s his birthday?” Remus asked bewildered.

“Don’t worry, it’s not until the 3rd”

“That’s in two days!”

James laughed. “You’ll figure something out I’m sure, or I suppose it doesn’t matter if you don’t. I’ve got him a couple of Zonko’s things, stuff to fuel our pranks y’know? I think he’s gonna like ‘em”

He patted Remus firmly on the back and galloped off to catch up with the others.

Meanwhile Remus’ hands had turned cold and clammy. What the hell was Zonko's? Why hadn’t he known about bloody Sirius’ bloody birthday? The others had bought him presents and he hadn’t even made a card. He didn’t want to look like the bad friend, but what was he supposed to do? He didn’t have any money, but besides, where would he get anything around here? And on such short notice, too. The worry troubled him all day, and left him with a cracking headache.

There was another issue, too. The full moon was tomorrow, and Sirius’ birthday only the day after. He’d be in the hospital wing all day and miss most of it.

He didn’t feel much like socialising after classes that afternoon. The moon made him irritable and his bones were stiff. So much like the olden days of the start of the year, Remus took to wandering around the castle alone. He was still learning how to navigate, two months later. The castle was a nonsensical labyrinth of corridors and staircases, but Remus found it was much easier to comprehend it when you just embraced the chaos. He was still taking notes whenever he found something new. He was intent on making a map at some point. Maybe if he finished it by the end of the year, he could offer them to the next first years.

He turned the corner, and was greeted overwhelmingly by the smell of food. It made him feel slightly nauseas, since his appetite was always small so close to the moon, but he kept going.

_The kitchen must be somewhere around here,_ he thought to himself, and he ventured further down the corridor, looking for an entrance. He hadn’t come across the kitchens yet. However, the more he looked, the fainter the smell got. His sense of smell was always heightened around this time, but he was sure that the smell had been close by.

He retraced his footsteps, and as he drew closer to the original spot, the smell grew stronger again.

“But where’s the door?” He said to himself aloud, rather perplexed by the whole situation. Suddenly there was an indistinguishable noise from behind him.

“What?” He said, spinning around. A painting of a moustached man in a red hat was smiling at him.

“Try the pear” The man said with a wink and a nod of his head.  
  
Remus wondered whether the characters in the paintings round the castle had become quite fond of him. This was the second person to have helped him, and he found that when he was wandering through the castle alone, rather a lot of them tried to make conversation with him. Maybe they just pitied him. The scrawny little yobbish kind with no friends. Still, he didn’t mind really.

Remus turned back around to look at the painting opposite him; a big oil painting of a fruit bowl. Towards the front of the painting, was a large ripe pear. Remus approached it uncertainly. At first, he tapped the pear tentatively with his wand, but that didn’t seem to work. Then he tried knocking on the pear. Still nothing.   
  
“Pear?” He said uncertainly out loud, in case it was some kind of password. Nothing happened.

Remus turned around to the man again.

“Alright are you having me on?” He said angrily. The man merely chuckled.

“Some men often say that pears are the most ticklish of all the fruit” He said vaguely.

Remus sighed and tried again. If this didn’t work, he’d give that painting what-for. Reluctantly, he reached out a hand and tickled the pear, feeling ridiculously stupid. The pear gave a high-pitched giggle and started jumping about, and then the painting swung open.

God this place is weird, thought Remus.

He stepped inside and was greeted by a spectacular kitchen, clean stone surfaces, a big brick fire at one end of the room. Enormous pots bubbling over squat stoves filled the room with a delicious aroma, that even Remus, who was feeling quite sick, was drawn in by. Fascinating root vegetables and dried herbs were strung from racks on the ceiling, some of which Remus had never seen the likes of before. There were big pitchers of pumpkin juice, stone ovens full of pies and pasties and cakes. Remus had really hit a jackpot.

It was getting late, and soon it’d be curfew, so he hurried out of the kitchen, thanking the man in the portrait for his help as he left, but he made a note to ensure he could easily find this place again.

By the time he got back to the Gryffindor tower, the other boys had already gone up to the dormitory.

“Where have you been?” Asked Peter, chucking his balled up dirty socks at him as he came through the door.

“Eurgh what was that for?” Said Remus, dodging them. “And nowhere, just for a walk”.  
  
James was lying upside down on the edge of his bed, flicking through a quidditch magazine. “You’re a mysterious guy Lupin”.

Sirius said nothing to him but flashed him a big smile. Remus got to bed quickly that night. He was exhausted and he wanted his body to be rested, prepared for the moon the following night.

2nd November 1971.

Lessons that day were hellish for Remus. His head ached, his bones ached, he felt sick with anticipation for the night. He was also sure that his primal wolf brain began to invade his logical human brain the day before as well, and it was impossible for him to think straight.

James, Sirius and Peter were all engaged in some terrifying version of snap in which the cards exploded when Remus decided to make his getaway. He always tried to slip away quietly and not cause too many questions, but he was one leg through the portrait when Sirius lifted his head.   
  
“Oi where are you going Remus?”  
 _  
Bollocks._

“Just going on a quick walk” He offered vaguely.

“It’s nearly curfew” called James, puzzled.  
  
“Yeah, it’ll be a _quick_ walk, like I said”   
  
“I’ll come then” said Sirius, threatening to get up.  
  
Panic rose suddenly in Remus’ throat.  
  
“Oh, no, don’t. I’ve got a, er, meeting with McGonagall as well, it’ll be boring. See you guys!” Remus garbled, before legging it out of the common room and around the corner before any of them could catch up.   
This was only his third full moon at Hogwarts, but he realised it was going to get harder and harder to come up with excuses as to why he was gone all night every month.

Madame Pomfrey was waiting for him as always when he arrived, and he was really glad to see her round, smiling face. She was a massive comfort, and the only maternal figure he’d ever really known. He felt a lot of love for her.   
  
“Are you ready, love?”

Remus nodded and the two of them made their way down to the shack, Madame Pomfrey’s lantern swinging wildly as she walked, casting lurid shadows and adding to Remus’ nausea.

The transformation was as terrible as always, his mind clouding over horribly as that primal side fought savagely to take over. His joints popping out of place, his entire skeleton reconfiguring itself.

The next morning when Remus awoke, he found himself crouched, naked on the floor. Madame Pomfrey wasn’t there yet, so it must have been early. He shakily tried to stand up, quickly found that he couldn’t and sunk to the floor again, and promptly threw up.

He must have fallen asleep again because suddenly Madame Pomfrey was at his side, and he had no memory of her coming in.

“Oh, you poor darling. Come on let’s get you cleaned and patched up”. Remus was glad to be quickly in his bed at the infirmary, his sore joints soothed, his cuts healed and his body warm.

Still, he was consumed with the sinking guilt that he was missing his friend’s birthday, and a silly kind of jealousy that they were all celebrating without him. He knew realistically that he’d be out by the evening, and that would be when the main celebrations would be taking place. But he was also aware that all the others were better friends, and he was still something of an outsider. He was missing the first of their birthdays, and he was worried this would give the others more of an excuse to become even better friends, pushing him out further.

He slept fitfully throughout the day, with these thoughts drifting across his brain in his waking hours. It must have been about three o’clock when Madame Pomfrey came in to speak to him.  
“Remus love? You’ve got some visitors”

“Y’what?” He said groggily, sitting up and yawning, before realising that James, Sirius and Peter were all standing behind her.

Remus’ eyes widened and he sat bolt upright, drawing the sheets around his chest. What were they doing here? How did they know he was here? What was he going to tell them? And god, how embarrassing that they were all seeing him in this state.

“There you are!” Said James, stepping forward. “We were worried about you! You’ve missed out on half of Sirius’ birthday!”  
Remus’ heart sank and he stared down at his hands, pulling at loose threads in the sheet.   
“Yeah, I’m really sorry”. He looked up “Happy birthday Sirius, sorry I missed it”.

Sirius merely flashed him one of those Sirius Black grins. “Don’t be sorry, the fun won’t properly start until this evening. You’ll be out by then, right?”

Remus nodded weakly.   
  
“Why are you even in here, what happened?” Peter piped up.  
  
Remus frowned, uncertain how to reply. Luckily Madame Pomfrey swooped in to save the day.  
  
“Never you mind Mr Pettigrew. You wouldn’t want people knowing all about your ailments, now would you?”   
  
Peter blushed and stared at the ground.

“So, when can he leave?” James asked eagerly, bouncing on the balls of his feet, his curls bobbing up and down.  
  
“Well…” Said Madame Pomfrey with one of her kindly smiles.  
“Since it’s a special occasion, I’ll let you have him now. Only you boys be careful with him alright?”  
 _  
Jesus_ , thought Remus. She made him sound like a right soft fairy. Still, he was glad to be getting out. He slipped away momentarily to change into his robes, and then left the infirmary with the lads.

James and Peter seemed more excited than Sirius, whooping and galloping down the halls. Sirius was more subdued, and hung back to talk to Remus.

“My birthday’s never a big deal at home, so this is all a bit weird” he laughed. “Nice though”, he added as an afterthought.

“Sorry, I didn’t really have time to get you anything. Made you this, though” Remus said, pulling a card out of his robe pocket.   
It was nothing special, he’d just done a quick drawing of their Halloween prank, pumpkins exploded all over the Slytherins, and a quick happy birthday note inside. Sirius seemed to love it though, and gave Remus a big hug, which took him by surprise. He hadn’t been hugged since his Nana had dropped him off at the station, and even then, hugs were a rare occurrence.

When the boys got back to the Gryffindor tower, Sirius sat on his bed to open his presents. James had made Sirius a paper birthday crown which he’d draped over his head lazily. He opened James’ present first, and Remus quickly discovered that Zonko’s was some kind of wizard joke shop. James had got him a shampoo that turned the user’s hair into worms for the day, some chocolates which caused whoever ate them to sprout pink and green hair all over their body, and some kind of wizard stink bomb, that Remus didn’t even want to know about. From Peter, he got a big woolly scarf and some books and magazines on wizard music and singers.

“Since you’re always on about singers I’ve never heard of, I thought you could listen to some actual wizard music?”

Bless him.

There was one more package, which Sirius excitedly said was from his cool older cousin Andromeda.

“The only other black sheep of the black family” he grinned.

He tore open the brown paper and there inside, was a shiny, new record player, and one LP to go with it; _Loaded_ by The Velvet Underground. At first Remus thought Sirius was going to cry. Then he thought perhaps he was going to wet himself with excitement.

“YES!” Sirius roared, leaping up into the air and hugging everyone roughly in victory.

“Finally! Finally, we can have music at Hogwarts! Finally!”

Remus had to admit he was pretty excited as well, and he peered over Sirius shoulder at the vinyl.

“Ah great, I haven’t had the chance to listen to that album yet- that’ll be amazing” he said, and Sirius squeezed him in excitement.

The music was put on instantly, and the four boys jumped around and danced and laughed until it had played through. Remus once again, thought to himself that this was perhaps the most fun he’d ever had. The music was great too. He loved _Who Loves the Sun, Sweet Jane, Rock and Roll and Oh! Sweet Nuthin’_ the most.

Once the album was over, the boys lazed around for another few hours, chatting, laughing, playing games. Sirius played the album again and nobody objected; it was so nice to have music playing. Even Peter liked it and nodded his head along to a few of the more upbeat songs.

It wasn’t until around 9 that James suddenly grabbed his stomach.

“Lads!” He said in horror, jumping up. “We forgot about dinner- we’ve missed dinner!”

“Oh no!” Peter moaned. “And on Sirius’ birthday too!”

“I don’t think I can go on” James wailed melodramatically.

Sirius looked pretty dejected but smiled anyway. “It’s ok guys, breakfast will just taste extra good tomorrow. James I might have some chocolate in my drawer if you’re really that hungry”.

Remus, on the other hand, grinned as he remembered his recent discovery.

“I’ve got a better idea. Follow me, guys”

“Remus, it’ll be curfew soon. What if we get caught?” Peter asked nervously.  
Remus merely shook his head, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Not if we’re sneaky”.

James and Sirius seemed more than happy to follow Remus on his shenanigans, however, and they eagerly crept out of the Gryffindor tower after him, despite having no idea where he was taking the them.

They crept in the shadows, Remus trying to remember which route to take. He got lost a few times, but he soon found himself back at the fruit bowl.

“Is it just me or can you smell pumpkin pasties?” Said Peter, looking around into the dark corridor behind them. Remus smiled and, tickling the pear, revealed the kitchen to the other three boys.

Peter was agog, James grinned, and Sirius placed his hand on Remus’ shoulder.

“Lupin, you’ve outdone yourself”.

They all climbed in, one after the other. The strange, grubby elf-like creatures that seemed to be working there didn’t mind at all, and even offered to help with great enthusiasm.

James poured everyone huge pints of a kind of sweet, spiced mulled apple juice that tasted incredibly wintry and festive. Peter helped himself to a slice of cauldron cake, whilst Sirius waltzed elegantly around the kitchen, allowing the elves to fill his plates with food. He looked like he was used to being served.

There was something that felt rebellious about the whole situation, and Remus revelled in its glory. Young boys, out past the curfew, somewhere they shouldn’t be, mucking about and having fun. Remus felt, for the first time, boyish, and the feeing was warm and sticky and sweet. He smiled to himself, nibbling on some chocolate.

After a while, Peter began to yawn and James’ head was drooping.

“Let’s get back eh lads?” Sirius suggested.

By this time, it was past midnight, way past their curfew, so they had to be extra careful as they slunk through the shadowy corridors. Each boy had loaded the pockets of their robes with snacks. They were very nearly back at the Gryffindor tower when they heard the distinct clicking of footsteps coming from a way behind him. The boys looked at each other, wide eyed.

“Quick, in here!” Whispered James, lifting up a tapestry on the wall, to reveal an alcove behind it, just about big enough for the four boys, if the really squished themselves in.

They all climbed onto the ledge, their bony limbs digging into each other, knees hugged to their chest. Remus could just about make out the shadowy lines of their faces in the dark. Poor Peter looked genuinely scared, whereas the other two were loving this thrill of the mischief. Remus was enjoying it too. He knew what fear was, and it wasn’t this. This, if anything was _fun_ \- great fun.

The footsteps drew closer, and seemed to stop directly in front of them for some time, before they got quieter again. After about five minutes, James poked his head out into the corridor.

“All clear” he whispered loudly.

The four boys scampered around the corner back into the common room, and lazily climbed the stairs to their dormitory. They all got ready for bed quickly, especially Remus, who was completely knackered after last night’s moon. Once it was dark, and all the boys were lying in bed, Remus heard Sirius’ voice cut through the darkness.

“Thanks guys, for such an amazing birthday”

Then a long pause.

“Especially you, Remus, for the kitchen”.

The last thing that Remus noticed in the fuzzy light before he fell asleep, was that Sirius had pinned Remus’ card to his bedpost.


	8. Fuck You!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus, tetchy before he full moon, makes a few mad decisions, resulting in the other boys hating him, just a little bit.

30th November 1971

Remus was face down on his desk during History of Magic. The moon was two days away, he had a splitting headache, and he was exhausted. The bloody teacher was dead, like, actually dead for crying out loud. At least he wasn’t alone, though. Pretty much everyone he knew hated History of Magic. He looked around him. Peter was genuinely asleep, James and Sirius were throwing charmed paper planes at one another, even Lily Evans, normally so attentive and studious in class was leaning on the back of her chair, twiring her quill in her fingers.

On the whole, though, Remus was doing better in his classes. He still wasn’t great, that was for sure. His spell-work was clumsy, and potions was still a massive no-go, but ever since he’d miraculously cast that spell for the Halloween prank, he was now able to actually get his wand to work, which was great. He was still about two months behind everyone else, though, and struggling to catch up. James was still tutoring him though, which was helpful.

 _God, I’ve got a tutoring session tonight_ , Remus thought with despair. He really wasn’t feeling up to it, but he knew James wouldn’t take no for an answer. He was annoyingly dedicated to the cause, and Remus didn’t feel like sitting through one of James’ lectures. He struggled through the rest of the day. He had potions last, his worst subject. His potion exploded over him twice, covering him in luminescent green. Lily had kindly cast a spell to clean him up both times.

Now he was cross-legged in an armchair in the Gryffindor common room, James eagerly flipping through a transfiguration spell.

“You’re gonna get it today Remus, I feel it!” He cried with a grin.

God, why was James so upbeat all the time. The spell they were working on was a simple transfiguration, one that James had mastered at the start of the year. He had to turn a large beetle into a matchbox.

They’d been keeping the beetle in a jar in their dormitory. In fact, Peter had grown quite attached to it, it had been there so long.

James found the page.

“Ok, so let’s go over the hand movements and pronunciation one more time.”

Remus sighed. He was finding James quite patronising today, and rather grating, too. Remus knew that he was thick, he knew he was a chav, but James needn’t make him feel quite so insecure about it, even if he wasn’t meaning too.

Remus had tried casting the spell about twenty times at this point, but his matchbox would still end up with legs, scuttling along the table. Even James’ patience was dwindling, and his never-ending supply of energy was running low. After another five attempts, James grabbed Remus’ arm to try and show him the movement.

“Come on Remus, couldn’t you try just a bit harder?”

That was the final straw for Remus. The moon was so close and he felt incredibly irritable. He was frustrated with his own failure, he ached all over, and he was tired of James making him feel stupid.

“Oh, fuck off, James!” Remus shouted, yanking his arm away.

James’ eyes widened, and he stepped back in surprise.

“I’m fucking tired of you, your fucking pity. I know you think I’m a worthless yob, I know you think I’m thick. But you know what, James, you’re an annoying fucking toff, and you can fucking piss off.”

“Remus”, James hesitated. “I don’t think that, at all” He said, softly.

Remus didn’t want James to be compassionate. He wanted James to get angry too, and he couldn’t understand why he wasn’t. Any sane person would. His niceness was making Remus feel even more shit about himself.

“I said piss off!” Remus shouted. And then he punched James in the face. He barely thought about it, his fist swung out in front of him before his brain could catch up. _Fucking wolf brain._

His fist connected to James’ nose with a sickening crunch. James staggered backwards, clutching at his face, blood dripping between his fingers. James wasn’t looking so nice anymore.

“What the fuck, Lupin!” He spat at him. Just then, Sirius and Peter came rushing to James’ aid. They must’ve seen the whole thing.

Sirius looked at Remus through confused eyes, shaking his head it him. He looked hurt, angry.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Sirius said to him. His words were softly spoken, but full of venom. How did he do that?

His words stung, a lot, and Remus just wanted to get out.

“Oh, just fuck off, all of you” he said, before turning his back and stalking out of the common room. None of the others called after him.

Remus stormed through the stone halls of the castle. He had no idea where he was going and he didn’t particularly care. His whole body was wrought with anger, and he had no idea where it was coming from. He didn’t bother to calm down, he sunk into it, almost enjoying it, letting it consume him. He was so wrapped up in his own mind that he barged straight into another student. He didn’t much care. He pushed past them and kept walking, but a nasally voice called out at him.

“You should watch where you’re going, freak” it said, spitefully.

Remus spun around. He wouldn’t mind a fight right about now. Standing in front of him was that awful greasy haired boy from the train, the one he’d exploded pumpkin all over. What was his name- Severus? Severus Snape? It was something gay like that.

“Who the fuck are you calling freak?” Remus spat at him. Remus was a little bit taller than the boy, but Snape somehow seemed to look down his nose at Remus. Great, another toff to call him a worthless yob.

The boy sneered at him.

“Oh, you didn’t know? That’s what everyone’s calling you. Look at your face, were you stitched together in a lab or something?” Snape laughed to himself.

Remus lunged at him.

“God don’t touch my robes- these are expensive, you know. Well, I suppose you wouldn’t, would you? I heard you’re Dumbledore’s little charity case. But all those second-hand books don’t seem to be doing the trick, you’re still a useless dunce”

Remus had no idea why this kid was so obsessed with him, but he had to stand up for himself, he had to bite back.

“Well, you know what they call you, don’t you?” Remus thought on his feet.

“Snivellus. Yeah, snivellus, snivelling about the place leaving a slime trail from your greasy hair”.

That’d do the trick.

Snape sneered again.

“I’d be careful what you say next, you freak” He said, slowly getting out his wand.

“Or what, you gonna kill me?” Remus taunted.

Snape flicked his wand and muttered something under his breath, and a harsh pain suddenly ricocheted through Remus’ head. He’d felt far more pain before, but it was still unpleasant and he cradled his forehead with his hands.

Snape laughed and stalked away.

“See you around, Frankenstein” He jeered as he left.

Remus was still seething, but he was knackered, and hurting even more now, so reluctantly he resigned and began to trapse back to the Gryffindor tower. When he caught his reflection on one of the mirrors on the wall, he saw that Remus had given him an unsightly black eye.

It was early evening when he got back. The other boys weren’t around, thank god. They must’ve been at dinner, but Remus wasn’t hungry. He went up to the dormitory, put The Velvet Underground on and cranked the volume up, collapsed into bed and just screamed into his pillow. He stayed face down for about ten minutes.

He didn’t remember crying, but he must have done because when he sat back up his cheeks were sticky. He scrubbed them away angrily, wincing as his hands roughly rubbed across the bruise around his eyes.

Just then, the door opened. The other boys came in from dinner. Sirius’ face darkened as he set his eyes on Remus. He flicked his wand and the music turned off.

“Who said you could listen to my music?” He snapped.

“Oh, so it’s _your_ music, now, is it?” Remus shot back. “Selfish as always, Black”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Remus said nothing, just rolled his eyes.

“Nice black eye, been going around punching other people willy-nilly, have you? Yeah, not everyone’s as nice as James, are they?” Sirius continued.

“Give it a rest, Black” Remus replied. He wasn’t angry anymore; he was just tired. He’d hoped they’ve forgotten about it by now. That’s what it was like back at home, if two lads got into a scrap; a few hours and a couple of bottles of pop later they were best mates again.

“Why did you punch James?” Peter piped up.

Remus noticed that James hadn’t actually said anything throughout this whole ordeal, he just stood behind the other two, scowling at him. The coward.   
He must’ve got his nose fixed, though. It was only a little bit red. Nothing had permanent repercussions in the wizarding world.

“What, you want me to say sorry?” Remus asked, crossing his arms. “What are we, a bunch of girls, you wanna kiss and make up. You would, Black you poof. Can you all stop being so pathetic?”

“I thought you were cool, Lupin” were the last words Sirius spoke to him that night. Then they all gave him the silent treatment for the rest of the night.

Staring into the darkness that night, Remus noticed Sirius had taken his birthday card down.

 _How fucking pedantic can you get? Is that supposed to upset me?_ Remus thought. Still, something in his chest contracted as he rolled over to fall asleep.

1st December, 1971.

The following morning, the other boys were all still ignoring him. Remus went down to breakfast alone. All around him, big firs, garlands of holly and ivy, and great boughs of mistletoe were being brought in and strung up. Remus didn’t much understand Christmas. Back at home his Nana would set up the little plastic tree each year, put it on top of the telly. It was quite a depressing thing, branches bent and raggedy, a few plastic baubles swinging from the ends. He’d always get the same thing as well, a new itchy jumper that she’d knitted, and a bar of chocolate. What was all the fuss about?

Still, he had to admit as he sat down in the great hall, that the decorations did look quite spectacular. The ceiling above displayed a wintry blizzard, and Remus wondered if it was really snowing outside. The other boys made an exaggerated point of not sitting with him. He thought they looked stupid. He didn’t eat much breakfast, nibbling at a piece of toast.

He felt movement behind him, and suddenly Lily Evans swooped I and sat next to him. Remus noticed James make a face out outrage to the other boys. Remus wondered hat his problem was now.

“Good morning, Remus” She said breezily. Reaching for a jug of orange juice. “Why aren’t you sitting with the boys, did something happen?”

“Oh, they’re just being stupid” Remus sighed.

“Well, whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll figure it all out” Lily reassured him.   
She finally turned her head to look at him and gasped.

“Oh Remus, what happened to your eye, are you okay?”

“Oh, it’s alright, doesn’t even hurt. I just, hit my head is all”.

Lily tutted. “You should try and look after yourself more, Remus. I hear from James that you’re in the hospital wing every other day”.

Remus tensed but laughed it off.

“I’m just clumsy”.

“Here, at least let me sort that out” Lily said, gently tapping his face with her wand. Much to Remus’ surprise, the soreness vanished instantly.

“Wow, thanks Evans” said Remus. “Where did you learn that, you’re nearly as good as Pomfrey”.

“I’m interested in healing spells” Lily shrugged. “I’ve been practicing. That’s only a really simple one, though”.

Lily and Remus made polite conversation through breakfast, before she got up to run after her other friends. Part of Remus missed the banter the other boys brought to the table, but he tried not to let it bother him. He’d been friendless most of his time here, anyway, and he could easily do it again if needs be.

Still, by the time the day was almost over, the other boys were still ignoring him. It was getting boring now.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay.” Sighed Remus. “I shouldn’t ‘ave punched you, James, that was out of order, I’m sorry”.

Remus had managed to get his strange cockney twang under control since being at Hogwarts. It was embarrassing when everyone else was incredibly well spoken, and he didn’t want to draw more attention to himself as the poor kid. However, it still seemed to make an appearance when he was feeling vulnerable.

Sirius scoffed “At least be sincere. That sorry’s not gonna cut it.”

“And after all you’ve done, you’re going to try and steal Lily from him” Peter said.

Remus made a face of confusion.   
“What? Steal? Look, I didn’t even know you liked her, James, but she’s all yours, don’t worry. Bit annoying for my taste.”

“She is _not_ annoying” James piped up, finally speaking for himself.

“Anyway, we don’t accept your apology” Said Sirius, and that was the last Remus heard from them.

Remus sighed. It looked like a long year ahead. He went to bed early, not wanting to be completely tired for the moon the following night.

2nd December 1971

A whole other day, and still nothing. Remus thought it was completely ridiculous. He’d given up trying to apologise. He didn’t care, and he wouldn’t miss them. They were just stupid, immature toff who were painfully sheltered, knew nothing of the real world, and were probably only keeping Remus around to give them a certain edge. He didn’t care at all. He didn’t care as he sat through his meals alone. He didn’t care when there was nobody laugh with in lessons. He definitely didn’t care that there was nobody to talk to in the common room, it made slipping away to Madame Pomfrey a whole lot easier.

Remus and Madame Pomfrey made little conversation as they walked down to the shack. She walked Remus to the door and gave him a concerned smile.

“Are you alright, Remus dear, you’re incredibly quiet”.

Remus flashed her a carefree grin “Yeah I’m fine”.

And yet, once Madame Pomfrey had left, and he was all alone, he sunk to the floor and sobbed with his whole body. And he wasn’t crying about the pain of the transformation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do give feedback, I'm dying to know how to improve. I feel like the plot is so dry and boring at the moment but I'm struggling to know how to spice it up whilst they're only in first year.


End file.
